Memories
by BML Hillen-Keene
Summary: Previously 'Abused Memories' Charting the Clone's live from their creation to the Reunion we see in Advent Children. First Story in the 'Children Series'
1. Abused Memories

_Disclaimer: Do not own._

_For those of you who have read Abused Memories before, be warned that it is different now, there are a few things I added to give a more overall feel to the labs and the scientists, as well as the situation surrounding the clones births and training. This particular story is not the end of the Memories Oneshot trilogy, soon to follow will be 'Memories of Freedom' and 'Remembering Mother', so keep an eye out._

_Hopefully you will not dislike what I've done with this story, and rest assured I am to begin working diligently on 'Children' as soon as next Monday rolls around (hopefully by then I will have finished the other two Memory stories). _

_Please enjoy, and I wouldn't mind hearing what you think._

**Abused Memories**

_(Letter's recovered from various offices of Henderson Labs, a small offshoot lab of Shinra Industries involved in some small projects authorised by Shinra Science. Letters were collected while investigators were trying to find evidence of what started the blaze which destroyed the whole facility.) _

_[Names have been removed to protect identity]_

**_12/04/83_**

_Dr. Hxxxxxxxx_

_The funding you requested for Project TSC has been approved. Your work has been validated and approved by Dr Hxxx, and we look forward to receiving positive word on your work soon. _

_Pxxxxxxx Sxxxxx_

**_23/06/1983_**

_Dr. Hxxxxxxxx_

_Dr. Gxxx_

_Dr. Jxxxxxx_

_The shipment of Jenova and Sephiroth cells will arrive on the 31/06/83. There are limited samples at this time so use them wisely. If there are any problems do contact me._

_Dr. Hxxx_

**_31.06.83_**

_Shinra Inc Suppliers_

_Shipment Details_

_1x Case of Blood samples (Frozen)_

_1x Case of Jenova Cells (cloned) (frozen)_

_4x Cases of Sephiroth blood samples (cloned) (frozen)_

_3x DNA Analysis Apparatus_

_12x Cases of 0.02mm needles_

**_19/08/1985_**

_Dr. Gxxx_

_The company was pleased to hear of your success in creating the Soldier Clone's. I myself would appreciate an analysis of your work, I am intrigued by the outlines you provided in our last correspondence. _

_How do you intend to factor in your slower aging process? Will your next batch age more quickly? I have a number of small genetic experiments I could offer up to help you. Though I must admit, it would be ingenious to send an army of small children at the enemy, imagine their surprise at being beaten._

_Ingenious!_

_Dr. Hxxx_

**_March 1992_**

_Dr. Hxxxxxxxx_

_Please find enclosed the information you requested regarding the soldier stealth and infiltration training. I have forwarded your request for assassination techniques to the head of the Turks._

_General Hxxxxxxxx_

**_June 24th 1992_**

_Dr. Hxxxxxxxx_

_Techniques attached, we will send an operative to oversee this step of your training_

_Vxxx_

_Turk Division_

**_18/09/1992_**

_Dr. Jxxxxxx_

_Unless we begin to see results in regards to your PO division of project TSC within the next three months we shall be redistributing your funding to the other divisions of this project. We are quickly losing patience in your work Jxxxxxxx!_

**_20/12/1992_**

_Dr. Jxxxxxx_

_As we have received no positive results from your division we are cutting all funding for your project. You may remain on at the institute to continue working on TSC project as a whole._

_If at some future point your work becomes valid we may look into funding you again._

**_10/01/1993_**

_Dr. Hxxxxxxxx_

_Your projected data regarding when we can use your batch of clones is later than we had expected, but within the parameters we had estimated. We understand that the training you are subjecting them to is intense, and will take time for it to become fully regimented into them._

_However we do have one concern; what measures have you taken to ensure they can be fully controlled? If you require any information on this, please contact the Shinra Science Head for information._

_Pxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxx_

**_23/01/02_**

_Dr Gxxx_

_The holding facility for the Soldier Clone's you requested is now available, we are led to understand we shall be having series 400 through 700 transferred in, please confirm exact numbers for our ledgers if you would._

_We look forward to receiving the first shipment next month._

_Xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxx_

*x*

I was 4 when I first met Loz; only then we didn't have names, so I knew him, for the first nine years of our acquaintance, as 569, just as he knew me as 52325. We were clones, clones of a man we knew nothing about. Indeed, at the time of our creation he had not even reached the heights of greatness we would later learn of. But within the science community he was heralded as the greatest accomplishment ever made, and was slated to be even more powerful than any Soldier.

He was the first of us, a creature created not of love, but of desire. A desire to be recognised for creating the singe greatest weapon ever seen. We however were created as his army. Made of him, but lesser beings.

We were clones, known by numbers, not names. Unlike him, the greatest warrior, the leader, the perfect one, we were made for roles, made to complete set tasks, to have only enough self awareness to be able to complete a mission to the highest standard possible. We were not made to have personalities, feelings... family...

Maybe they made us wrong, me, Loz and Yazoo, or perhaps something of Him, and his humanness transferred to us, maybe that was why I didn't react, or behave in the ways that I should when I first met him.

For you see, when I first met Loz, he was crying.

Crying, I had been taught, was a weakness; unless you were using your tears to get a desired result, but in truth, there would never be any point in me trying anything of the sort, being neither child nor female. And for a Soldier Clone like Loz, crying could get you terminated.

We didn't speak, there was no time before the scientist who had created me spoke, but I remember that instead of disgust at his display of weakness, I felt compassion, though at the time I knew it only as the desire to take hold of his hand and tell him everything would be alright.

I was naive when I was that age. I learned better as I got older.

"There are weapons on the opposite side of the room on the table. Can you see them 52325, 569?"

I looked across the room, I was too small to see the weapons, but I could see the table, so I nodded. Loz, who had come to stand beside me, wiping his eyes quickly as he did so nodded also.

"Stay away from me." He said quietly, his voice low and muted in the large room. "Please do as I say."

I nodded again, obediently shuffling a few steps away from him, looking up to meet his eyes and offering him a smile. It was in that instant that we became what we never should have been able to, in that single instant when our eyes met there was a flash of understanding and we just _knew_.

_Family..._

"Go get the weapons." Came my scientist's voice; it was nothing unusual to me. I had been ordered to pick things up many times, nothing had ever happened before. Loz had tensed beside me, but though I wanted to reach across and take his hand I didn't.

"Whatever happens just get the weapons." he whispered, and I nodded again, knowing on some primal level that he would not lead me wrong.

We moved forward, slowly, Loz set the pace, like he had been here before, knew what was coming. I didn't know at the time what had happened to him before, but he told me later, and I understood the tears then, I understood why he wanted to be careful. Why, when the hidden doors at the side of room opened he shoved me on ahead and took the brunt of the attack on himself.

He was only six and they had heaped so much responsibility on his shoulders. Placed another's life in his hands.

What attacked was nothing I had ever seen before, or have seen since outside the chamber, it was dark, shadowy-nothing like our Shadow Creepers, these were different, wilder. When they attacked, it was like nothing you could ever imagine.

I knew I had to get the weapons-and quickly, three of the four beasts had leaped on Loz, bore him to the ground and where tearing him to pieces. The table was too tall for me to reach to the top of, but I knew I had to get up there, before the fourth creature got me. It passed in a blur of colour and blood, my blood, Loz's blood. I had only known him for that short time, but I knew his death would destroy something inside me.

When the creature attacked me it knocked against the table which was the only reason I was able to get a weapon at all, one shook loose and fell. I had to scrabble for it, fighting a beast that was set on killing me. I know that my fingers finally curved round the handle and I slammed it into the creature, over and over and over and over and over and over, until I was absolutely covered in its stinking blood. Knowing by the desperate roars that Loz was still alive and fighting, if barely, I got up, shoving the body away.

4 years old, with the weight of a life hanging over my head, and seeing him fighting them, something in me snapped and I attacked them. They all turned on me of course when I did, and I saw Loz sprint for the table, reach up and drag another weapon off it. And then it was over.

It was compatibility testing, to see if we could work together to get a job done. Knowing if one of you failed the other would die. That's why Loz cried, because they'd made him do it before, and he'd failed the other clone, and he didn't want to fail again, but they made him go in anyway.

What kind of person does that to children?

We may have been clones, but in the end, we were children, weren't we?

*x*

Yazoo was always different; he was never really all there. I saw him once, when I was maybe 7, Kadaj and I had known each other a year or something by that point, we had started training together, in between the experiments that is. I remember seeing him with his father... that is, the scientist that created him. We never really did have parents, just creators. He was younger than me, nearer Kadaj's age than mine.

He was sitting in the middle of a room, and I stopped, forgetting in my interest that the rest of the Soldier Clones were around me; that we were on the way to training. He was fascinating, even though he was just sitting there, doing nothing.

"That's 92966, failed project." My scientist laughed, but he didn't shoo me on, so I, and any other of the clones who wanted to, kept looking in through the glass.

Yazoo sat there; his hair was already long by this point and it just added, as it does now, to the general look weakness about him. His eyes raised slightly until they locked with mine, though there was no way he could have know I was there, it was a two way mirror, he could only see his own reflection. His head did that tilting to the side, like he was studying me.

His father... scientist suddenly made himself known, grabbing his hair and pulling him upwards and back, jabbing a syringe of something into his neck angrily before throwing him back down again.

My scientist laughed at the sight, "He keeps shooting him full of that stuff. Says it'll make his brain start functioning-hah! The stupid thing can't even think, let alone speak or solve a puzzle!" he turned and continued on, after walloping the back of my head and hissing. "Stop crying you idiot, do you want to be terminated?"

But I couldn't help crying. I had felt the connection, like the one I had with Kadaj.

*x*

_(Excerpts of Lab Journal belonging to Dr. Jxxxxxx; in regards to TSC Project, PO Division. Found in the personal locker of aforementioned Doctor after the fire which destroyed the building, killing all those inside)_

_08/83—Gene splicing of Sephiroth and Jenova cells commenced today. Intended outcomes to include increased brain function, faster reflexes and increased athletic ability._

_11/83—Gene splicing finished, next stage is to fertilise sample eggs with these genes_

_05/84—eggs 3000-8000 did not fertilise_

_10/84—eggs 20000-60000 did not fertilise_

_12/85—foetus's 70500-71000 died of unknown causes_

_04/87—eggs 90000-100000 did not fertilise using the reconstructed gene sequence_

_... A single egg appears to have fertilised_

_06/87—foetus 92966 progressing well _

_01/88—Foetus 92966 survived birthing process, foetus's 100001-100200 are progressing as expected_

_03/88—Foetus's 100001-100200 were terminated due to deformities which showed up on scans_

_07/88—Gene work does no give an explanation why deformities continue to crop up in foetus over 2 months old_

_12/88—92966 shows heightened cognitive abilities for an infant_

_02/89—92966 shows no sign of verbal communication, experiments run do not garner even the smallest noise from him_

_07/89—brain biopsy to try and understand why 92966 survived birthing with no psychical deformities, but seems to be somewhat disabled in the brain_

_06/90—92966 not responding to stimulus drugs, brain function has some confusing spikes, more information is required_

_11/91—more foetus's terminated before birthing due to deformities_

_03/92—foetus terminated due to deformities. Why is it that 92966 came through with no psychical deformities? What is the reason?_

_09/92—92966 is not showing signs of improvement and eggs are no longer fertilising_

_12/92—92966 termination set for 12pm tomorrow_

_... Termination cancelled, I'll show them that they shouldn't cut my damn funding!_

_01/93—92966 moved to private lab to continue experiment off the radar_

*x*

Kadaj… I remember father took me to see the experiments… sat me in the corner... I think he was going to set me a puzzle, but I'm not sure. I stayed were I was put… because father got angry… father always got angry… they had Kadaj on one of the tables, hooked up to… everything… metal cuffs, because he was struggling… trying to scream… fighting whatever they were trying to put into him… I watched, and I hurt with him… I knew what it was like, to have something inside you that was trying to take over your mind... that was taking over everything and not letting you think, or breathe… I could see it on his face, they were trying to change him… at a time he shouldn't have been changed… at a time he was too mixed up to be changed… but I couldn't say anything… nothing at all… I just sat in my corner and watched, wondering when it would be my turn…

*x*

There were times I thought I was the lucky one. Out of all of us, perhaps I was the luckiest... I know Loz will say that it was he who got off the lightest. After all, he never had to go through the constant sessions in the chairs, where they speared into my brain, pumped drugs into me until I could do nothing but twitch as my every want was suppressed and forced aside to their will.

They were trying to take away my will; they had already stolen Yazoo's. But even so, I think I was the lucky one of the three of us.

After all, at least who I was on the inside wasn't being forced to change, not like they were. You see, with me what I am, is what I always was, and what I was always going to become. The one who made me was a genius, and he made no mistakes when he made me. The only mistake he made was trying to force me under his... no, under_ Their_ control. I might have been loyal to him had he not done that, not forced the sessions and the drugs on me.

Might...

After all, from the outset I think my real loyalty was to my brothers.

My brothers; who are not like me. Yazoo was failed; only still alive because his scientist refused to give up his dream for whatever it was he made Yazoo to do. Loz... Loz is complicated.

Loz was made perfect, he could lift weights no small child should even dream of touching before he was 3, he can endure extreme heat, extreme cold, he can fight for longer and much faster than I can. He was built as a soldier, built for the front lines, built to take on the enemy head on. His body was created perfectly for that purpose.

His scientist wasn't as skilled as mine; he forgot that personality and mind play a bigger part than the body. Perhaps Loz was a mistake, a glitch in an otherwise perfect gene strand, unnoticed because Loz is good at pretending. But Loz doesn't have the killer instinct, he has always been a far gentler creature than I think was ever intended, so what they did to him was far worse than what they ever did to me, though he will perhaps never see it.

I first realised it when I was 9, when I happened to be passing the area where Loz and the other 'Soldier Clones' were being trained. I paused for a moment, long enough to hear the words, and see the action that would bring me to the realisation that I was not as badly off as my brother was.

One of the other clones had failed in some task, I don't know what, and Loz refused to tell me. The trainer, the same man who had taught me to wield a sword ordered one of the others to kill him.

"Failure is weakness! Weakness means the unit is not working at its best. Get rid of the weak link and then there shall be nothing that can be used against you."

The one ordered to kill the failed clone went about it with a savage pride in being chosen, I saw it as messy and unnecessary... after all, I was being trained to kill quickly and easily with the minimum of fuss. But my attention was caught by Loz's face, and the disgusted horror, followed by a sadness I didn't then understand before his face became blank, only his tears left as evidence of his caring, but he quickly wiped them away before they were seen.

That I think was when I began fighting the sessions and the drugs for a purpose, and not simply because I didn't want them.

*x*

_(Excerpts of the 1998 report regarding Soldier Clones, by Dr. Gxxx)_

_400 series (1986)_

_500 series (1988)_

_600 series (1989)_

_700 series (1990)_

_800 series (1991)_

_400 _

_Strength: 2 _

_Stamina: 3 _

_Heat Endurance: 3_

_Cold Endurance: 2_

_Speed: 2 _

_500 _

_Strength: 2_

_Stamina: 3_

_Heat Endurance: 2_

_Cold Endurance: 3_

_Speed: 1 _

_600_

_Strength: 1_

_Stamina: 2_

_Heat Endurance: 2_

_Cold Endurance: 2_

_Speed: 3_

_700_

_Strength: 2_

_Stamina: 1_

_Heat Endurance: 2_

_Cold Endurance: 1_

_Speed: 3 _

_800_

_Strength: 2_

_Stamina: 1_

_Heat Endurance: 1_

_Cold Endurance: 2_

_Speed: 2 _

_._

_._

_._

_Notable Individuals_

_400 series: 423, shows increased strength (1)_

_456, shows increased stamina (2)_

_500 series: 501, shows increased stamina (1)_

_539, shows increased strength (1) and stamina (2)_

_569, shows increased stamina (2) and cold endurance (1)_

_600 series: 667, shows increased heat endurance (1), cold endurance (1) and speed (2)_

_686, shows increased speed (1)_

_687, shows increased speed (1)_

_699, shows increased stamina (1) and speed (2)_

_700 series:711, shows increased strength (1), heat endurance (1) and speed (2)_

_724, shows increased strength (1)_

_765, shows increased speed (1)_

_800 series: 894, shows increased strength (1), cold endurance (1) and speed (1)_

**_800 series, 894 has achieved scores well above average in all tests, DNA will be taken from this clone to begin creation of the 900 series._**

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Clones to be terminated_

_425, 486, 492, 499_

_505, 514, 518, 566, 593_

_600, 654, 672_

_743, 782, 790_

_803, 805, 815, 874_

_._

_._

_._

**_900 series to begin production March 1999_**

*x*

Our escape was nothing short of miraculous, Kadaj couldn't have been more than twelve maybe, I can't exactly remember, years merged into one another for me. Kadaj always kept track, I don't know how given the amount of drugs they put into him, but I'm sure it was around that time.

Kadaj and myself shared occasional training sessions in between experiments, and our connection strengthened, Yazoo neither of us saw often, perhaps once or twice, when his father was feeling malicious enough to want everyone to see some 'puzzle' he had set him, ones that required him to hurt himself to complete.

It was an unspoken promise that when we got out we would take Yazoo with us. But we never had any chance.

I don't know how Kadaj got out of his room, or past the soldiers, but he did, and he was standing there with the biggest grin on his face at my door, not a hair out of place. "We have to go now!" he cried, reaching out a hand to me. I took it and let him pull me out into the corridors I had never before walked in without my scientist to lead me. I knew the hallways as well as he did, but I was happy to let him lead me.

Ready to fight to protect him if I had to.

We made our way very quickly, quicker than I thought we should, towards the section Yazoo was kept in.

"Where are the guards?" I couldn't help asking.

Kadaj just tightened his grip on my hand and flashed me a smile over his shoulder. "They don't know we've escaped yet." he answered, that mad glint I'd seen before during training sessions in his eye, and I knew it was the truth but I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen when they did notice us missing.

I wasn't made for thinking, and it shows in the way I look, and I know that. And maybe it's because of that, that people don't realise I can be as practical as I am, after all, Kadaj could plan and effect an escape, or a break in, but can you see him, or Yazoo for that matter, remembering to take care of the little things... like getting new shoes before the old one's are completely unusable, or thinking to pack some extra bandages because it's inevitable that one of us is going to end up with a cut for one reason or another.

As it was, because Kadaj had staged this escape without warning me, there wasn't time to do much more than get Yazoo and get out, which was essentially what we did.

We came to Yazoo's section and slipped along the dark corridor, checking rooms as we went until we found his. Kadaj worked his magic on the door and it was open in seconds he pushed it open.

Yazoo was standing just inside the door, head cocked to the side, eyes sliding over us.

"Come with us!" Kadaj said, holding out his free hand like he had with me, looking at Yazoo beseechingly.

Yazoo just kept looking at us, like he didn't know what we meant.

The alarm bells suddenly went off in the compound.

It seemed like an eternity, with the sirens wailing, and the sound of booted feet getting closer and closer, and I wanted to just grab Yazoo and go, because if we stayed we'd be killed-or the experiment would get worse. But I didn't move.

Yazoo suddenly stepped forward, taking Kadaj's hand, reaching with his other to wipe away tears I hadn't noticed I was crying. And he mouth flicked up into the smallest of smiles.

"Can we go now?" I asked, looking to Kadaj, Yazoo's head turned to him also.

Kadaj nodded. "We need to make a stop before we go though."

He held tight to both our hands, as though we would vanish if he let go. But I knew I wouldn't disappear. I'd stay with them forever.

Forever.

*x*

Everything was in sharp focus… and for the first time in my life I could see and react like the others, despite the fact that I had never been around them, didn't know what I was supposed to do… It was like I had known they were coming for me… knew somehow that they were escaping and they would take me with them…

When Kadaj shoved open a door hidden round the corner from the guardroom I knew what to do. I slipped my hand from his and made my way over to a rack of guns, though at the time I didn't know what they were, I had never even heard of the word 'weapon' before Kadaj and Loz explained it to me. I had never been formally trained, just left to work out what something did and why. My hands reached for a gun, the Velvet Nightmare Loz had read the name for me later.

Instinctively I found the trigger, spinning to the doorway and the shadow that had appeared, shooting it before it could hurt Kadaj and Loz. And I knew it was mine, nothing had ever felt right in my hands before. Loz reached up past me to grab another of the guns. Kadaj flashed us his grin and turned to head out the door.

I looked at Loz, waiting to see what I should do, knowing; somehow implicitly that he would tell me. He grabbed one of my hands and pulled me from the room after Kadaj.

*x*

It was a blaze of blood and fire. We blasted out way out, and I never felt that death was so justified, myself and Loz were highly trained, even for such a young age, Yazoo wasn't, but he moved with us in a creepy kind of sync. Like he knows exactly what you're going to do before you do it, and he fits his fight pattern around you. The fight was nothing but blood and blurs...which is probably for the best…

We were nearly out of the compound when something went wrong, when the scientists arrived. I killed mine, all the anger they had tried to suppress, all the fight against them that they had drugged me to control was let lose, and I killed him, ripping him open with my twin blades from his stomach to his neck.

I remember watching him slide off the blade, a look of pure disbelief on his face as he gargled his last breath and died. He had thought the experiments would have made me unable to kill him. But he was wrong.

I turned to see where Loz and Yazoo where, I did not want to lose them, not when we were so close to having freedom. Whatever the outside world was like, it had to better than this!

I watched Loz kill his scientist; I smirked in satisfaction as the man fell to the ground and died. I knew Loz was crying again, but I think maybe this time they were good tears. My eyes sought out Yazoo, to find him in the grasp of that bastard! A syringe being pulled out of his neck. I didn't know what it was but Yazoo's scientist being who he was it wasn't going to be good, and my vision went blank and I drove for the attack.

*x*

I turned from the body of my scientist... my father... tears still streaming down my face, I had killed him. The man who had created me, and hurt me. I cried for him, I turned in time to see Yazoo's scientist pull the syringe out of his neck, just like I remembered he had years ago. But unlike the last time Yazoo did not fall, he was still standing, his head cocking to the side. And the hand holding the gun moved.

I raced towards Kadaj and caught him before he could reach Yazoo, holding him tightly until he calmed. My eyes focused on Yazoo and the gun that kept rising. Kadaj struggled against me when Yazoo's scientist struck out, and I winched in sympathy as Yazoo's head snapped to the side, but the gun never stopped rising, until it was level with the mans chest.

Kadaj quietened and we watched.

*x*

I had the gun pointed at him. Everything was still so clear, despite the fact that I could feel whatever father had injected me with clawing at my brain, trying to suppress something, but as always it sparked off something else… something I don't think he ever intended. I didn't need to look at him, my head was still turned where he had slapped me, but I knew I was aiming directly at his heart.

I pulled the trigger; he moved slightly… but I know I still hit him. But my bullet went straight through him and towards the target I had intended. The stacks of fuel and electronics that had obviously just been delivered and the whole place erupted in a blaze.

I watched it rush towards me in fascination, wondering how long it would take to reach me, engulf me. The injection was closing my mind, so I didn't feel the hands pulling me back and away, towards the perimeter fence.

*x*

**_May 2002_**

_President Shinra,_

_This is to inform you of our findings regarding the fire at Henderson Labs. The cause of the blaze was accidental; there should be no problems from this end. You can rest easy._

**_May 2002_**

_Heidegger,_

_I've lied to the president for you; I hope you can make it worth my while. Be advised however that if those escapee's begin making problems that I have all the information I need to have you boiled alive in your own stupidity._

_I expect payment the usual way._


	2. Memories of Freedom

_Disclaimer: Do not own._

**Memories of Freedom**

"52325." Loz asked me softly, coming to sit beside me. It had been weeks since we had escaped and I was starting to feel the effects of being without the drugs for so long, everything was so confusing. The stupidest things would set me off, and I would yell, and scream and fight. I never meant to hurt either Loz or Yazoo, but sometimes I just couldn't help it.

"What?" I snapped.

"I… uh…" he stopped, and I knew he was crying, even if he wasn't looking at me "Sorry… I'll just…"

"No!" I turned. "569, I'm sorry! Don't… don't just go. It's just the meds… they screwed with my head…" I looked at him pleadingly. Willing him to understand… they had strapped me down, pumping me full of drugs-mood altering, emotion suppressants. Loz had been the body experiment; it was obvious; he was bigger, more muscular even at fourteen than anyone I had seen, even the soldiers. He'd been trained for fighting; no one cared about his mind. But me... I had always been told I was the genius of my division of the clones; I was the one my scientist prised above the others, the one they would all have to watch.

The Soldier Clones were too stupid, Yazoo a failed experiment, I was the one with the brains and the will to use them.

So they had tried to make me safe to them… it hadn't worked, at least at the time I'd thought so… I always knew when it was coming and I fought it.

But now. Without the drugs, away from the experiments it was still happening, it still crept up on me, and I had to fight it, because if I didn't I didn't know what would happen.

I felt arms circle my waist and I was pulled back against Loz's chest and he held me. I hadn't realised I was shaking until he had started to comfort me. And I felt better with his arms to concentrate on… something solid.

"It's ok 92966, come on." I heard Loz whisper, and I opened my eyes to see Yazoo standing a few feet away, looking at me in that abstract way he had.

He hadn't spoken a word since we escaped, and I could never remember him speaking before, at the labs. He didn't do a lot most of the time except stare into space. And you were never sure if he was listening when you spoke to him, never knew if he was even on this plane of reality most of the time; until he did something surprising, like wiping away Loz's tears if he suddenly started crying at something, as if telling him not to.

Or wrapping his arms about me before even I knew a fit was coming on, grounding me in reality before I flew completely off the rails.

I had an idea.

*x*

"Ka-daj… come on Yazoo, I know you can say it. Kadaj."

I sighed as I watched them. Kadaj had taken on the sudden and unusual task of teaching Yazoo to speak. He'd been at it for weeks, sitting cross-legged in front of Yazoo, repeating his name and my name to him, trying to get him to say them. So far he had had no luck.

Yazoo had tried, really tried a few times, opened his mouth and tried, but nothing.

I was surprised Kadaj hadn't had another of his swings and flown off the handle with him yet; he'd done it a few times over much less frustrating things. Strangely though this seemed to help, and I was glad. As much as I love him, he was impossible to live with those first months after the labs.

"Come on Yazoo, please. I know you can do it. Just repeat it after me. Ka-daj." he was looking at him with such earnest.

Yazoo looked helpless, he had flinched a few times at the start when he couldn't do it and Kadaj looked like he was getting angry. That had stopped Kadaj in his tracks, and he spent the rest of the night telling Yazoo that he would never hurt him, no matter how angry he got. His face scrunched slightly in effort, closing his eyes and trying to say the word, trying very hard.

Kadaj leaned forward suddenly and kissed his forehead lightly and whispered. "It's ok. We'll stop for tonight."

Yazoo opened his eyes and looked at him, hand going up to his forehead, he looked at me in askance, and I could do nothing but shrug. Kadaj smiled at me.

*x*

Kadaj had tried to help me learn to speak, I could repeat his name in my head, over and over, his and Loz's and I wished I could say them aloud, but I couldn't seem to get the sound past my lips. Father always told me it was because I'd been made wrong, that all my brain didn't connect in all the right places, he was always so angry about it... Hated me for it... I had tried when I was younger, but I couldn't…

52325

569

92966

Five-two-three-two-five

Five-six-nine

Nine-two-nine-six-six

Kadaj

Loz

Yazoo

But I couldn't say any of them.

We were on the move. I didn't notice much, I rarely did. Loz said it was like my head was in the clouds, and laughed, but I didn't understand. It was always just easier to get lost in the nothingness of my thoughts. I know they hated it, but I couldn't stop it.

We passed through a village and I heard a word that caught my interest, I wanted to ask Kadaj and Loz about it… but I didn't know how…

_"Jess! Come on, please give it back!" a little boy, no more than five begged of an older boy, who may have been eight or nine_

_"No!" the older boy said with a smirk._

_"But Jess! It's my ball! Come on, please!" the little boy jumped up, trying to snatch said ball away._

_"Uh-uh." the older boy laughed and moved one quickly._

_"Gimme it!" the younger boy started running, tripped over a stone and fell, letting out a wail. In a second the older boy was back._

_"Damnit-Danny, are you ok?" the little boy didn't reply, just kept crying, clinging to the older boys shirt. The older boy wrapped his arms around him, letting the ball fall forgotten to the ground, lifting the little boy up as best he could. "Come on little brother; let's go so mum can see your leg."_

And they disappeared up the street.

Brother…

I liked the way that sounded, and I wondered what it meant exactly.

*x*

I was startled by the sudden scream, I'd never heard the word before or the voice, but I knew who it was, and who he was calling. Loz and I shared a single look and we were on our feet and running in the direction of the voice, Loz strapping on his weapon, and taking Yazoo's gun with him. Whoever had dared do anything to Yazoo that had made him break his silence in fear was going to die.

He'd gone to collect firewood, a task we let him do alone, if only rarely; simply because he was easily distracted, I'd once found him crouching beside a tree, staring intently at a flower. He hadn't even realised he's been doing it for over two hours. However, even with distractions he would complete whatever task we gave him to do. I hated the fact that we had to give him such exact instructions, but we'd quickly learnt that anything less than that made him withdraw even further into himself.

We reached a place in the forest to find Yazoo kneeling on the ground, holding his stomach, leaning forward. There were a number of soldiers surrounding him, with uniforms not unlike those worn by the guards at the labs. They were asking questions, demanding answers, striking out each time Yazoo did not respond.

Where they from the Labs? Had they finally sent someone out after us? Wee they hear to make us go back?

No one was going to take me, Loz or Yazoo back to labs!

I wasn't about to let them.

So I did the only thing I could have possibly done, given the situation. Attacked.

I could feel Loz charging beside me. He barrelled straight through the soldiers to Yazoo, giving him his gun before turning to help me kill the soldier bastards. We dealt with them quickly enough, Yazoo had recovered enough to shoot three of them, Loz and I handled the rest.

When it was finished and the rage left me I looked at Yazoo. He was watching us with those eyes I hated, the ones that were resigned, expected to be punished, because that was what happened at the labs, I hated them, and I couldn't look at them; I can't look at them, without wanting to torture the bastard that made them like that.

I went to him, kneeling in front of him and I pulled him into a hug.

He tensed in my arms, startled, like he wasn't expecting it at all. I did not release him. The bodies surrounding us meant nothing now, just the fact that Yazoo was safe.

"Can you say it again?" I asked him, making my voice gentle; curious to know if that one panicked scream would be the only time we would hear his voice. I pulled back so I could see him properly. "The word, the word you used to call us here." I reminded him, seeing a blank look of confusion pass over his face.

"… B… br…" he stopped and looked at me, helplessly.

"Try Yazoo, please." I said, pleased he had even made the attempt.

"Br… brot… h… her." he finally stuttered out

"Brot-her." I repeated, sounding it out myself. "Brother… I like it; I wonder what it means…" I smiled at Yazoo then, knowing that this was only the beginning. My eyes flicked upwards and to Loz who was smiling too, through his tears.

We had a name now for what we were, and I couldn't help but wonder then why they thought it would make us weaker? Why the scientists worked so hard to keep us separated. My eyes then swept over the bodies around us. We had destroyed them in minutes, fuelled by concern, by fear for our own.

And Hate… hate for the labs…

I understand now of course

*x*

Winter was setting in colder than anything Kadaj and Yazoo had ever had to deal with in the labs or out of them so far. During the winters there I had envied them, envied their rooms with the perfectly regulated temperatures while I, and the others Soldier Clones, had been forced to spend the winter days training in the freezing conditions, spending our nights in metal boxes designed to grow even colder than the air outside.

It was cruel, and every winter we were always less another few who hadn't been able to stand it. At times, back then, I had hoped that it would be me next, that I wouldn't wake up for the next round; that I could slip away into the cold and stay there.

I lived, obviously, but it was a closer thing than I've ever let Kadaj and Yazoo know.

But it was a good thing I did, because despite all the training they made Kadaj undergo, there is nothing in him resembling common sense. In a way he was like Yazoo, leave him on his own with a task and you would get results, but they'd inevitably involve some elaborate scheme and a murder, because that was what he was created to do, scheme, infiltrate and kill, and he did all of the well.

Where I got my sense of practicality from I doubt I'll ever find out, but all that matters is that I do have it, and under all this muscle is a brain that I do use, more often than I think people would like to believe.

I knew we needed to stay low, keep as much under the radar as possible, which was why I had willingly followed Kadaj into caves, mountains and forests, the less time we spent around other people the better, after all, we had no real interaction with anyone other than our scientists and trainers, and if other people wee anything like them, then avoiding them was necessary.

But even more we needed somewhere to stay, somewhere we could hide. The year previous we had spent further south, and the winters were mild and easier for us to handle out of doors, but we had moved north during the year, we couldn't really afford to get too comfortable in one place, but the closer we got to winter the more I realised that we couldn't stay out, not as we were.

That was when we found the Mansion, and it became our home. Only for that one winter, simply because staying longer would have made the people of the town notice we were there.

*x*

It is dark in the stairwell. Dark and suffocating. But I keep going down the creaking wood of the stairs, one hand trailing across the wet wall as I descend further and further into the maddening darkness below.

The corridor is dark, musty, a tunnel of earth that pressed over my head, strong and powerful but with a weakness waiting to be found so that it could sink and destroy everything hidden here.

I pause, just for an instant at the doorway where the sleeping man lay, dead yet not dead, hovering on the brink of the soothing abyss, begging to be allowed to cross over into it, to leave the world behind. I continue onwards, there is nothing I can do for him, though I would like to push him over the edge. The Nothingness is always a nice place to be, everything is so simple there.

The door opens easily under my hand and I step into a room of learning, though I know that the books have nothing to do with the knowledge gained within these walls. My eyes moved to them, to the true vats of knowledge here, suspended in the nothingness together.

He wants to wake up, he fights with all he is to wake up, to open his eyes. But there is a darkness that is keeping him here, forcing him to stay in this sleep.

A darkness that is…

…

…

_NO!_

*x*

"Where is he?" I was growing more and more agitated each time Loz looked at me in helpless regret. He didn't know. I didn't know.

Yazoo was gone.

He had disappeared, just vanished into thin air. We had the run of this house, in all its dilapidated glory, because the people in the town thought it was haunted. The children got as far as the door before they got scared and ran. It was the most perfect of places for us, no one ever came in and we were safe.

I was the only one of the three of us who left, and that was only late at night when the townspeople wouldn't see me, to steal food or whatever else we needed. Loz was too large to go unnoticed for long, though he always offered because he was designed to deal with extreme weather like this, and we would never send Yazoo out there on his own.

Which was why it didn't make any sense that he wasn't here. He'd never shown even a single inclination of wanting to go outside into the biting cold. In fact, he almost seemed to be enjoying exploring the things left by the previous owners.

"Where is he?" I repeated, gritting my teeth, turning away from Loz sharply, unable to stop the way my hands were beginning to shake, the way the fit was about to creep into my mind. I needed to know where he was, what had happened to him.

Was it the labs?

Had someone taken him from us… without our being aware?

"Where is he?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

I turned back, my eyes wide, because of the three of us only I ever raise my voice, my emotions getting so out of control that it's either scream or kill, and I don't want to hurt them, or be the one responsible for them being sent back there. Loz looked now like he had reached the end of his infinite patience

I wasn't being fair; he was just as worried as I was.

But I needed to know where Yazoo was, I needed to know. How was I supposed to protect him if I didn't know where he was!

*x*

I hate that Kadaj is the leader.

Not because I'm jealous of him, never that.

But because I'm the oldest.

I should be the one looking after both him and Yazoo, always, and I know I do what I can. I know I help steer us all in the right direction once in a while, but in the end it's Kadaj who makes the plan, it's him who makes sure we all get to where we need to be, and it's Kadaj who makes sure we're safe. He's the youngest, and it's not fair that he has to do all that and cope with what the scientists did to him.

He was about a hairsbreadth away from having one of his fits, one of the one's that happens because he gets frustrated and scared and doesn't know what to do. I think, in some ways, the fits are the proof that he's still a child in a lot of ways.

Yazoo had taken off on his own earlier in the afternoon, we'd both watched him leave the small back room we had tied up to live in, neither of us even thought to go with him or ask him where he was going. He'd been gone little over an hour before Kadaj had started to get restless and went to find join him. He was back in less than ten minutes, panicked.

Yazoo was not in the house.

We'd checked again, just to be sure, but he wasn't in any of the rooms. It took less than a minute for us to begin imagining the worst, and it wasn't long after that that Kadaj began questioning and I lost my temper.

I lost my temper…

That should seem normal… Everyone loses their temper occasionally, at least, that's what I've learnt since being out of the lab, but before that instant I never had, and I felt terrible afterwards, so terrible that I began to cry, nothing unusual you might think… but these were nothing like the stray tears that happened without my conscious thought…

These were…

*x*

… Heartbroken…

As if something very precious had been taken… This was what I walked in on, still confused and unsure… I stood by the door watching as that part of me that doesn't exist fled back and into the nothingness. Loz was crying, heaving sobs that were so unlike him that it felt as if my heart would stop…

Neither of them was paying attention to me, Kadaj's attention focused completely on Loz, trying desperately to stem the flow of emotion… I watched it pour out of him, like a flood, destroying everything in its wake, threatening to leak out his very soul…

"Yazoo!"

I blink hazily… The floor? When had I ended up on the floor?

"Where have you been? Yazoo! Where were you?"

Kadaj was yelling.

"Tell me! Where have you been? We've been worried sick!"

Loz was crying, different tears now, the dam was back.

"Yazoo answer me!"

"… I… don't know…"

And I looked at him, puzzled, confused, anxious… because I hadn't gone anywhere… had I?

And then Kadaj was crying and hugging me and I had no idea why, or what I had done. The part of me that didn't exist had crept out of the Nothingness, and it was trying to tell me something…

*x*

It was amazing!

It was huge, bright and filled with everything!

Something of that four year old inside me stirred when I saw it that first time, that naïve little child came rushing to the surface as if years hadn't passed, as if all that had been done to me in the years between was suddenly undone.

It was childhood. One Loz, Yazoo and I had never had. It had fascinated us as we made our way along the edge of the desert, this giant floating golden tree, we had tried crossing the desert to reach its base, believing that it actually was a tree, and we'd been disappointed when we couldn't make any headway across the shifting sands. We'd resigned ourselves to never getting to see it up close by the time we reached North Coral.

The place was a heap, and the people there so wrapped up in their own self pity to really pay us any attention, but one old man, sitting outside a tent house pointed us in the direction of the cable car to the Golden Saucer.

Hoping it was a way to the giant golden tree we took the cable car, and when we arrived we were overwhelmed, the music was too loud, the lights were too bright, but it was magnificent!

Just for this once we didn't even notice anyone else there, we didn't care about the labs, or about people trying to take us away from each other… at least, we didn't care after we'd gotten past the woman at the ticket booth. We had just enough money to scrape the cost of two tickets with what I had stolen in other places we had been, and upon working this out we were ready to get back in the cable car and return to North Coral and continue our meandering journey.

She stopped us before we could though and gave us three tickets and a smile and wink I didn't know how to respond to… And we were in!

We went on everything, saw everything, did everything, and it was the most amazing thing in the whole world!

*x*

I was 17, and a Soldier Clone, I wasn't a child, none of us were. But for the first time, in that one place, we could be the children I think each of us always wanted to be. Kadaj laughed and smiled and played, all without a single hint of that slightly mad glint I still sometimes see in his eyes.

Yazoo pointed out things, and quickly he and Kadaj were convincing me to win them Mog toys in the games, sneaking off while I did to win me one of my own on another game.

I think… I think we were all a little sad to leave it…

*x*

… I want to go back…

*x*

The slums of Midgar were easy to get lost in, which was a good thing, what with everything that was going on in the world. Sephiroth was a whispered demon among the people. Silver hair, black clothes…

When people saw us they looked, did a double take.

We were made of him, not matter how much we didn't want to be, and people noticed that. But in the slums all we got were looks, and as long was we did nothing to stand out they looked away again.

We wouldn't be here long, not with the rumours and whispers flying around us. We'd be out of the city before anyone really noticed us. We couldn't afford to be noticed. With all the stories about Sephiroth now if we were caught we would be terminated.

I wasn't going to let us be terminated.

*x*

In a way I was glad there was such a huge danger to the whole world, it meant that no one paid us any mind as we moved from slum to slum, gathering food, money, clothing… anything and everything we could carry. We were going to find somewhere far, far away from everything, the entire situation, and we were going to finally stop running.

With any luck when everything was finished with, when Sephiroth was stopped, if he was stopped, they would have forgotten all about us.

We would be leaving the city long before the giant gun was fired.

*x*

My eyes never left the sky, there was something coming… something that could change everything.

…

_…father…_

_…brother…_

_…_

Mistakes were about to be made that couldn't be undone… but there was nothing I or my brothers could do about it…

…

_…father…_

_…brother…_

_…_

The sky is where the evil comes…

The earth is where it lands…

…

_…mother…_

_…_

_NO!_

*x*

It was perfect!

A place devoid of people; lost and forgotten through the white trees. It was like something out of one of those books I had scavenged up to teach Yazoo to read with. Maybe now I could actually start teaching him. Because this was it, this was where we were going live now.

It was like being in the deepest depths of the ocean, sweeping and soothing, a place of peace. Our new home.

*x*

We chose one of the small houses to make our home in, preferring the closeness we found in them. We raided the other houses of things until we had everything we could possibly need, and we made ourselves comfortable.

We were safe here, at long last, we were safe, and we each knew it.

*x*

_…_

_…father…_

_…brother…_

_…Kadaj! Loz!..._

_…_

_…_

_…MOTHER…_

_…_

_…_

_NO!_

_…_

I don't know what woke me up, but something did. I sat up, looked around to find Kadaj gone. Kadaj never left at night… not unless a fit was coming on… but he hadn't had one in months. I got up off the mattress Loz had found for us to sleep on and went to look for him. I didn't like the fits… they made me think about the first time I had ever seen him… it was a cruel reminder of the labs…

"Where're you going?" Loz asked sleepily, hand catching my wrist.

I turned to look at him, blinking slowly. "Kadaj…" I said softly. "I think he's going to have another fit." two years ago and I wouldn't have been able to say that sentence, not with stuttering my way through it.

Loz nodded but didn't release my wrist, just trundled on past me, tugging me behind.

Kadaj was outside, staring up at the sky, I looked up, and stopped. It was the strangest and most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Green streams of light weaving across the sky-thousands of them, all racing towards something.

Loz continued to pull me forward until we reached Kadaj.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" he asked us.

Loz looked up; I knew he did, even though I didn't see it. "What is it?" he asked after how long I'll never know.

My eyes dropped from the sky when Kadaj shrugged, something tugged at the back of my mind, the part that didn't really exist, that told me things were going to happen before they did. The part that slid the image of Kadaj falling to his knees, staring at the sky and screaming, across my vision. Before I knew it, I was moving, wrapping my arms around him, just as he stiffened and started to fall. I fell with him, feeling Loz behind me.

Kadaj screamed.

One word.

"_MOTHER_!"

*x*

_The numbers are only there to separate my thoughts…_

_1) Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo seem to have gone slightly OOC for the whole story, so I apologise for that, and due to that fact this part of the fic may be redone at a later date._

_2) Yes, the mansion they are in is Shinra Mansion, they arrived there the winter after the Nibelhiem Incident, so Zack and Cloud are still in the labs in the basement. (I have a timeline printed off and everything so I know these things.)_

_3) The Golden Saucer… This particular bit was difficult… how do you write the wonder of three children who have never seen anything as amazing as the Golden Saucer? I was tempted to just write the word WOW for all three and leave it at that… but I figured you might like some elaboration (I can totally still do the WOW bit if you think it would work better)_

_4) The part in Midgar (in case you missed it) takes place just before Weapon attacks._

_5) They laid claim to the forgotten city… and just as they get settled that damned Jenova calls for them! Damn you Jenova!_

_6) I hope you have enjoyed this story and will review it._


	3. Remembering Mother

_Before you start reading I would just like to explain a few things. As you know my entire reason for ever starting the Children Series was to explore what made the clones who they were and how their relationships with the other members of the cast would effect… well… everything (and if you never knew that, then you do now!). To that affect I started 'Abused Memories' as a way to look into the Clones past as I saw it and how it made them who they were. 'Memories of Freedom' is a continuation of that thought. However while writing 'Memories of Freedom' (and this particular instalment), I began to realise that my Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo are significantly different to the three we see in the film, far more human and a lot less crazy (mostly). I've tried to give the three of them a depth you don't get to see in the film._

_To this end I decided to write this particular fic as a read along for their scenes in the film. Not all scenes are covered, but the majority of them are, and are sort of what is going on in their heads while the events are taking place. Hopefully it will help bridge the gap between my three little Orphan Clones of the previous two stories in this mini trilogy, and the three we see in the film. You may, or may not, be surprised by what I've done to them._

_In any case, please enjoy my offering, and if you do I'd love to hear back from you._

**Remembering Mother**

As the lifestream weaved and danced its way across the sky, surrounding meteor and seeking to destroy her, Mother reached out and found us for the first time. She surrounded me, embraced me and pulled me into her, whispering all the while

_"I didn't know you were waiting my little one, but fear not, I know now, and we shall be together…"_

But the lifestream took her from us, ripped her away just as she found us. I despaired then. We would be alone again, and upon hearing her voice I had suddenly realised just how much I wanted someone else to be in charge. How much I wanted to have a mother, someone to care for us, be kind to us.

After the Lifestream faded away I listened, drawing away from my brothers little by little, desperate to hear her again.

And then I did hear a soft whisper in the back of mind, kind and alluring.

_"Come find me little one, come find me and I will grant you what you desire most."_

Love?

_"If that is what you desire little one, then yes, I shall grant you love. But find me, help me fulfil my mission. Do that and I shall Love you."_

Mother…

I knew then what needed to be done.

*x*

He was beginning to change, turning back into the thing the scientists wanted him to be. I don't think he noticed. I don't think he cared. We would watch him, me and Yazoo, talking to 'Mother'.

We had only vague ideas of what the word mother meant, and we only had Kadaj's certainty that she was there. We couldn't feel her, not then… or at least, I couldn't. It was like the word 'father' all over again. Yazoo had given us that word, the word he had always used to refer to his scientist he told us, there was no reason for it, he couldn't even remember how or when he had first heard it, but he knew that it was what his scientist was.

Mother was nothing but a disembodied voice only Kadaj could hear in the beginning, but he knew what she was, and soon I could hear her, in soft whispers in my head.

_"It's ok to cry my little one; you've had such a rough time haven't you? They hurt you. But don't worry, I will punish them for you, but first you must find me. Find me and everything you desire shall be yours."_

There was so much I wanted… so much I hadn't even realised I wanted. I wanted Kadaj to be able to just act his age, I wanted Yazoo to be himself, and I wanted to live without fear, to be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted to.

_"I will give it to you little one, all of it. But first you must find me, and help me fulfil my mission."_

*x*

She was always there, always hovering at the very edge of the Nothingness, her words swallowed into the abyss. I never heard her, never heard the promises she made to me, but I knew she was there. Always there. Like a stain that is impossible to remove, a darkness that no light can cut through.

She was pulling them away from me, with every day that she stayed, hovering there, they were getting further and further from me, drawn to her words and promises that I couldn't hear, her warmth that only suffocated me. They were becoming something they weren't, something inside them was twisting out of shape.

"Hey, Kadaj? Is that where big brother lives?" I asked; her presence and my brother's withdrawal had forced me into this role, a role I did not feel comfortable in at all.

Kadaj nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you think he'll be glad to see us?" I questioned, knowing already what the answer would be.

"Not a chance." He said, his face twisting into that expression of disgust I hated.

"Don't cry, Yazoo!" I had to look away when Loz spoke, she was changing him too much, there was something dark under the cruel teasing.

I sighed and looked over at the small sprawling of buildings."But mother's with him." I said; hoping with all my heart that it was true, maybe then we could go back to our home in the Seashell City, go back to when we were happy.

"Maybe not."

It's a quiet mutter, but I know Loz heard it too. I turned my head to look at him, feeling her surge for a moment urging me on. "Don't cry, Loz." I told him, surprising myself by the bitter edge that made itself known at the end.

Before I could dwell too long on this Kadaj said. "Hold on, he's coming!"

And he was, Big Brother Kadaj called him, riding a motorcycle like ours across the wasteland towards the little city in front of us. I glanced back towards Loz, the part of me I can never really suppress afraid to do anything without orders. Perhaps even more afraid now than I ever was before.

He nodded and we went.

Please let him have Mother… let this end now…

*x*

The red head was talking again. Why every time I try to contact these people is it always him who answers? It's becoming tiresome. My mind wanders just a little as he makes his excuses, to the two who are like him… Turks… safely tucked away in our little Forgotten City. He wouldn't be so annoying if I did to him what I did to them…

"Tell me you're leading me on!" I break into his storytelling. I already know he's lying. Mother tells me so. "Because I think you do have Mother there." I laugh as he begins to splutter on his end. "No need to shout!"

_"There is no time. Find me quickly little one. Find me now!"_

"I don't want to talk to you; put the President on." I can't let mother down, we need her. We need her. My eyes seek out Loz and Yazoo in their fight with Big Brother, he who shares mothers cells, but isn't like us.

I want her to pull me back into her embrace, that warm and comforting embrace. But she can't do that, not until I find her.

I need to find her!

*x*

Kadaj calls us back. Big Brother told us nothing. If he does have Mother then he's hiding her well. But why? Why would he hide her from us? Why won't he give her too us.

All we want is Mother.

I'm too frustrated when we get back to our city. I snapped at Yazoo, the one person I've never actually lost my temper with, in fact, since that first time I've never lost it again. But I was very close then, and it made me worried.

I was never this emotional… never this conflicted or confused.

Was I changing? Did I have too? Why?

_"Shh little one. Just do as I say. Do as I say and I will be with you soon, and then you will want for nothing. All your worries will fade away."_

*x*

_…little one…_

They were gone.

_…listen to me…_

The Turks we had taken from the crater. Gone, vanished into the air as if they had never been. And I was glad; I had seen a savagery in my brothers when they dealt with them that I had never believed them capable of.

_…little one…_

Kadaj had always had it in him, I know that now, had always had that desire to hurt and kill, but over the years we were free he had lost the urge, was content to just be with us. But now, under Mother's guidance he was returning to that state of mind.

_…listen to me…_

Loz was far more worrisome, there had been a feral gleam in his eyes as he had… tortured?... maybe that's the word… It was so unlike him that I began to truly fear her presence in my mind. If she could change Loz so completely then it was possible that she could wake up the part of me that doesn't exist, and make it work the way it was supposed to.

_…little one…_

I turned away from the place we had kept them, ignoring the whispers that escaped the Nothingness. I hope we find Mother soon, then everything can go back to the way it was. We can be ourselves again.

_…LISTEN TO ME…_

_…_

…No…

*x*

"Boy, do I hate lairs." I said; stepping easily around the irritating redhead, hurting him had felt good. I made my way slowly over to the President. I was growing impatient. Mother was getting angry, angry at these people who kept her away from us. (1)

"I apologize. This time you get the truth. The object you seek fell from the helicopter while we were running from you. I'm afraid we were careless."

I smiled at that. Did he really think I was that gullible? "Is that right?"

"I swear it." His lies left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I ignored it in favour of another, more biting smile. We would see how long he could keep lying to me. "Fine. Then swear on these." We didn't have them anymore, but from the way his breath hitched when he saw the cards, stained with their blood, he didn't know; it had been a gamble, but it had worked.

"... Why did you do this?" He wants to question me?

_"Tell him."_

_…Yes Mother…_

"We need mother's power. The Reunion is coming — and we need her."

"Reunion..." he breathed, confused. But I'm not surprised, no one could ever hope to understand what I'm trying to do for Mother.

"My brother's and sister's who share Mother's cells will all assemble, and together we will all take revenge on the planet! We've already sent out the invitations — but, you know, someone has gone and hidden the guest of honour." I told him, stepping closer, wishing I had a blade in my hand, a small one, one I could use to slit his it wasn't for the fact that he knew where Mother was I would—

"Invitations?" he interrupted, tearing me away from my thoughts.

I looked at him and smiled. "The stigma. But you know all about that, sir. Mother's mimetic legacy lives on in the Lifestream and makes it happen. She does so much for us and we ... we don't even know where to find her." I need to find her. We need her. "But what can we do? We're just remnants, merely remnants of Mother's legacy. Until we find Mother and receive her cells, we can't be whole again! Geostigma and the Legacy aren't enough ... not for a true reunion."

"What do you mean?" he asked me, and for an instant, just a single moment in time, I did I mean?

_"Show him."_

_…Yes Mother…_

"But, sir! Surely you've noticed..."I moved towards him slowly and knelt. Mother surged forward in my mind, wrapping me in her warm embrace as He took over. Only for a moment, but the feeling of loss was so great that I thought… maybe… maybe it would be better to just forget the whole—

_"Shh, little one, you're doing well. Soon we shall be together in the way you desire. Soon we shall all be together."_

_…Yes Mother…_

*x*

"Wanna play?"

…

"I guess that's a "no.""

The fight went exactly how I expected it would. I was made to fight battles, made to defeat enemies; I knew exactly how much strength I needed to defeat her. I could have killed her with a single blow, it would have been easy to grasp her throat and break her neck.I did not like killing, I have never liked killing. Ending a life ends the game, I have always much preferred the act of fighting, there is very little that could ever defeat me, but the winning doesn't bother me, that's not why I fight. But as we reached the end of our fight, as she lay on the bed of flowers, all I could hear was;

_"Kill her. She's in the way little one; she's trying to keep you from me. Kill her."_

If the girl hadn't thrown the Materia at me in that instant I think I might have done just that, gripped her throat in my hand and squeezed, until her struggles ceased and she became still. But my attention shifted with that one Materia and I turned back, taking the girl and the Materia with me when I left the to ignore the overwhelming feeling of disappointment that washed over me as Mother let me know of her disapproval of my choice. But I was not a killer… I had never wanted to be and why I had such urges now I couldn't understand.

*x*

He was speaking to the children, the children he had told me to find, to bring here to him. The children I had lured in with promises as false as Mothers. The children who would help realise Mother's dream, who would facilitate His coming.

This was what frightened me the most of my brothers changes. That they no longer saw that they were losing themselves, that they were becoming Him, moulded by Mother's wishes and promises. I couldn't watch as he stepped into the water, his speech growing to new heights, echoing over the place I longed to call home. Mothers wishes. Mother's promises. And as she seeped into each child, I could hear her voice grow louder in my head, pushing away from the Nothingness. There was so little I could do against her then, not with the sounds of Kadaj's conviction ringing high about me, not with the burgeoning belief of those children, not with the way her voice became a deafening wail inside my head.

_"Broken."_ She told me, her voice sickly sweet, knowing I didn't believe, knowing I couldn't believe.

_"Broken. You are broken little one, confused and unsure. Your past weighs too heavily on your mind. But I am here now. There is no need to push yourself so hard anymore. He filled your head with lies little one, made you afraid of those you should never be afraid of."_

She pulled me in; I could feel it, nothing like the comfort of the Nothingness, stronger and steadfast, refusing to let me go now that she had me.

_"They trust me, little one, they all trust me. They know that what I say is the truth. Just give yourself to me, let me look after you."_

*x*

He got away, disappeared just like those Turks! But no matter. It's not a problem. He wasn't really integral to the plan, though his death might have made things easier, in the long run it wouldn't matter.

We were on the verge of finding Mother, with so many of us there was no way we couldn't find her. She knew were we close, her voice was growing stronger, her orders growing didn't matter that Big Brother had gotten away, because soon we would be with Mother.

*x*

_"We need to draw them out little one, we need to pull them away. Soon… Soon I will be with you."_

That was what she told me, we needed to play distraction, we needed to draw all their attention onto us. That way they'd leave him vulnerable, and we would finally have mother. The people screaming at us mean nothing. They can't mean anything. But I don't want—

_"Do you want to find me? Do you want to be with me?"_

_…Yes Mother… of course I—_

_"Then do it!"_

I nodded, and Yazoo took it as his signal and let loose the Shadow Creepers. As they tore their way through the crowed square I couldn't stop that small niggling little doubt that maybe… just maybe I should be worried. Had Yazoo ever set out with the intention of hurting someone?

He'd always been our distraction. He was a perfect shot, never missing what he was aiming for. But he had never, in any fight we had ever gotten into, in all our time out of the Labs, he had never shot with the intention to hurt. He drew attention with his attack, giving me and Kadaj time to deal with the threat. Even in our fights against Big Brother he hadn't really aimed to hurt him, every shot had been easily dodged or deflected. But he had set the Creepers loose with no hesitation…I know I should be worried…

_"Shh little one, it will all be ok, just do as I tell you and everything will be fine."_

I nodded again, I had to trust in Mother. All of this was so we could be together, so that we could live without the fear of the Labs anymore, so that we could just be ourselves. We began to pull, toppling this monument over would be the perfect distraction, that was our plan, bring it down and they would come out.

"And what are we up to?"

Except they had already arrived…

"We know Mother is here." Yazoo said, clear and even, and I wondered when I had missed that confidence? When had he learned to lie?

The bald one spoke. "Oh yeah?"

I nodded, gesturing behind me. I had always been good at lying. The threat of termination if you did behave in the expected way was good motivation to learn. "Yeah. This, uh, thing - monument thing - Shinra made it."

"Oh no! You're just too clever!" the red head smirked. Did he really think we ere stupid enough to believe they would hide Mother here?

"Except you're wrong." The Bald one added.

"And wherever she is we just don't know!" They actually started laughing, as if they had said something funny.

Yes, they did believe we were that stupid. This was going to be interesting

*x*

There!

What was that?

Her voice faded suddenly to a dull roar in the back of my mind as something else pushed it's way out of the Nothingness.

What was that?

I stepped forward, closer to the two facing us, moving outside my brother's sphere of protection, something I just didn't do, not unless it could be avoided. I knew this, and the concern wormed it's way into the confusion with everything else.

I needed to make it happen again…

"What, the peons aren't trusted?"

The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I felt it again as his agitation began to rise, felt it move in spurts of invisible colour, and they attacked.

But just as it had risen it faded, and Mother clawed her way back into my consciousness as one of the summoned beasts landed on the monument behind us. And they ran, taking with them that feeling… that clarity…

_"Kill them."_ She whispered, but she could tell that I wasn't all attention.

We followed them. I need to know what it was… I need to know why it pulled that part of me that doesn't exist from the Nothingness, why he could do it when Mother couldn't. She had tried, I had felt her, prodding and pulling, determined to let it loose. But she couldn't, she couldn't…

"Are we having fun yet?" I asked, knowing, somehow that this was what I needed to do, what would make it happen again.

"The time of my life!" and he attacked me, a crackle of electricity I don't think even he realised was there, and every time I stopped a blow I could feel it pass to me, like little jolts of awareness that pushed her back further and further. Why was he… Why could I…?

As I looked down at him, wondering and confused, trying vainly to push her back, to think clearly for just a moment. And then it hit me.

"Just as soon as you give back Mother… that'll be the end of everything…"

I think he misunderstood me, from the way he bounded up the building with speed that intrigued me, and we were fighting again, and she was taking back control, pulling me away from my newly realised thoughts and back to her.

_"I am so close little one, you will not ruin this!"_

*x*

"Say, Kadaj," the President said, distracting me from my covert, and somewhat vain attempt to see my brothers. "I've got a question for you."

I smiled. "And I've got an answer."

"You said you needed 'Jenova Cells' in order to be whole again, what did you mean by that?" He's a curious one. But I suppose there's no harm in telling him, after all, if it will get us to the end quicker I am willing to answer the question's… even if they are painful.

"Him. He's coming back." I tell him quietly, feeling something inside me break when I do. It's the first time I've said it aloud. I don't think Loz and Yazoo even know…

"Sephiroth ..." he breathed. "The nightmare."

I shrugged, there was little else I could do. It was what they all knew him as. "So they say."

"You mean…" He seems surprised by my lack of knowledge. Did he truly believe that everyone in the whole world knew Sephiroth. We'd had more important things to worry about all those years.

"I've never known Sephiroth." I tell him truthfully. "I just sense him there; it's unbearable to think Mother might want Sephiroth over…" I knew she did… that was why it hurt so much. But it was ok… it would all be ok…

_"Shh little one, soon we shall be together."_

I would have to leave them… I would have to leave so that they could be safe. Mother would look after them, I knew she would. She promised she would look after them, and keep them safe. And if all I had to do was let Him…

"Poor little remnant."

I shook myself from my thoughts, glaring at the President. "It doesn't matter who she picks, you'll all meet the same end!" and because if I didn't speak I would throw him and his damned chair over the edge, I kept on explaining. Unnecessary perhaps, but it wasn't time yet. Mother would tell me when it was time…

Eventually my energy needed to go somewhere. I still couldn't see my brothers, and Mother kept telling me to wait. I summoned Bahamut Sin, and watched with suppressed delight as it began wreaking havoc.

"Heh! This is too fun, sir! Any requests for the next act." I looked over at him, and he stood, unveiling Mother, and I knew it was time.

"A good son would have known." He told me, and it took all I had not to laugh. Had he really believed I didn't know? Mother had told me exactly where she was when I had come to find him. But I played the part, just for him.

After that everything became a desperate rush to reach her first.

_"Good boy, now go, they're after you."_

*x*

Kadaj landed, holding Mother, and just like that our fight was done. A part of me was disappointed. Fighting the bald made had been fun. He had had no hope of beating me, I could tell that from the first punch he landed, but he was good, and it would have been fun to go on longer, to see just how long he could hold out.

But we had Mother now, it was time to go, before Big Brother ruined everything.

Tunnels, I have since decided, are interesting places to fight in, there's a lot more scope for all out moves, and a lot more surfaces to use for that little extra push. I think I would like to do it again, only this time without the bikes, that was trickier than I had thought it was going to it hadn't been for that I would have won that fight, I know it.

*x*

And we were out, following in Big Brother's wake. As we broke out into the light I felt it again, that faint crackle and suddenly it all made sickening sense. She had known, she had always known. This had all been part of her plan.

She had Kadaj now, and had no use for us…

The bomb was ticking.

Kadaj…

Please don't do it…

*x*

It was so loud I could do nothing but turn to look, and my heart sank. Loz? Yazoo? Were they alright?

_"They are fine little one. Now go, you know what you need to do."_

I did. So I went on. Mother would look after them, she had promised… I would bring back Him and she would make sure they were safe.

At last I was at the end of the road, and the time had finally come. I watched him approach, so slowly, so carefully. I think he knew what was coming. "Brother! I'm with her at last."

I wished I could Loz and Yazoo one last time.

"So what's going to happen now?" he asked me, looking so disapproving. But he didn't understand…

"Hehe." Mirthless, and tinged with the fear I think I felt. "Mother's going to tell me."

_…please don't make me do this…_

"I guess a remnant wouldn't really know." Oh to be so high and mighty as he. To know that you didn't have to…

_"Make me proud of you little one. Give me back Sephiroth and make me proud."_

"So what if I'm a puppet?" I asked him, gathering up my energy, closing my eyes and wishing with all my heart that my brothers were there. Were they OK? Had they been hurt in that explosion.

_"Kill him! Kill him Kadaj!"_

_…Yes Mother…_

_"Give me back my chosen one!"_

_…yes mother…_

*x*

The rest of the film follows on as normal until the part where Kadaj collapses in Clouds arms… that is where 'Children' begins.

(1) At this stage Jenova hasn't informed the Clones where she is, either that or Rufus doesn't have her there with him

_Wow… this turned out a lot different than I had expected it would. I figured… Hey, lets just add a few bits to the film, just to tie it in with the rest of the 'Children Series', but somehow it turned into something else entirely. Jenova is a manipulative b***h! Did you know in the original game Jenova is referred to as a Him by Ifiana in the video's Gast makes of her? Odd that everyone calls her Mother then… or does that mean something fell with her…_

_Aw crap, another story idea!_

_At any rate, I hope it wasn't too confusing. It shouldn't be if you've seen the film, but then, it could just be my own wishful thinking._

_I hope you enjoyed. I will now begin my work on 'Children'. With any luck I should get some good headway made._


End file.
